You love your child. You’d take a bullet for them before your morning coffee.
And yet the second they climb onto your lap for the fifteenth time that day, something inside you just wants everyone to stop touching you for a while.
If you just nodded a little too enthusiastically at that description, don’t fret. You’re not broken neither a bad mom.
You’re touched out, honey.
Let’s talk about what that means, why it might happen to you, and how to cope.
What is the Meaning of Touched Out?
Touched out is that feeling when your body doesn’t want to be touched anymore.
Not that you don’t like your child, but it’s the feeling of your body reaching its limit for contact for the day.
Think of it like when your phone battery is low.
All the interactions you have drain it a little more, and by the time night rolls around, you have 2 per cent left, and the thought of anyone else touching you is like a phone battery short-circuiting the whole system.
Why Do You Feel This Way?
There isn’t always one specific reason. There isn’t always one specific reason. Several things can contribute to feeling touched out. It might include:
Constant physical contact
Between feeds and fidgeting about, your baby is touching you all day. Add in a hug from a partner who wants to celebrate after work, and your body has been in contact mode nonstop since dawn. All of that can wear you down by night, and your nervous system is crying for mercy.
Sensory Overload
It’s rarely ever just one thing that puts people over the edge; it’s a combination. It could be that your child is constantly touching you plus the crying plus the TV plus someone tugging your sleeve, and it’s all too much for the human senses to process.
Tiredness or Poor Sleep
It takes a lot less for someone running on inadequate sleep to feel worn out, and a little touch can feel like too much all at once.
Not having your own space
Somewhere between prenatal and now, it seems that you don’t feel like your own body anymore. Someone is always sitting, hanging off, or touching you without your permission.
How Do You Know If You’re Touched Out?
You might know if you’re feeling this you may find yourself recoiling slightly at the touch of your child.
Feeling a little annoyed when your partner reaches for you at the end of the day.
Or if you find yourself hiding in the bathroom for an extra two minutes to catch your breath.
None of these things is to be shameful of; this is simply your nervous system saying that it’s had enough for the day.
“Am I a Bad Mom”?
Absolutely not!
Just because you want a little distance doesn’t mean that you don’t love your child.
It’s perfectly normal to crave five minutes where no one is touching you. Love doesn’t diminish based on whether or not you have had a stressful day. There’s no metric for your worth as a mother that is dependent on how much you can touch your child on your worst day.
Is This the Same as Not Want Comfort by Others?
No! This feeling is not about wanting reassurance from those around you.
You can want to feel safe in the arms of your partner tomorrow, and you can want to cuddle your child once you’ve had time to recharge.
Right now, your body is feeling overwhelmed rather than comforted by the constant touch of others and just wants a break, but that doesn’t mean that it will always feel that way.
How Do You Cope with It?
This feeling can often be managed with a little planning and honesty with the people around you.
No-touch windows
Give yourself little breaks from being touched throughout the day. Even a fifteen-minute window in the morning before anyone else gets up can do wonders.
Tell people your needs.
Nobody can read your mind. A simple, “I’m touched out today, I need ten minutes before hugs” goes a long way and can prevent little misunderstandings.
Keep it simple
You don’t need a long spiel, just a sentence or two. You can even use it as a teaching tool for your kids. “Mama needs a little space, but then she’s all yours”.
Reduce other inputs
Cut out some of the environmental inputs where you can. You don’t need to keep the TV on during the day, and you can dim the lights in the evening to encourage your senses to reduce as well.
Have non-physical interactions
Read a book together instead of a cuddly session. Sit side by side and do some drawing. You don’t always need to have an affectionate connection to show your love, and this can be a nice diversion on the days your body feels overwhelmed.
Let yourself need space.
This one is often the hardest for people. You are entitled to feel the way you feel, and you don’t always need to make people feel special or loved, even if they are the people you love most in the world. It’s okay to need space. Needing space doesn’t make you a bad parent.
When Should You Seek Professional Help?
Generally, it’s perfectly normal to feel this way occasionally, and for many parents, taking a break from physical contact can help, but the experience varies from person to person.
If you feel numb, detached, persistently low, or unusually disconnected from your child for weeks at a time, it may be worth discussing these feelings with a healthcare professional. Cleveland Clinic notes that extreme sadness, detachment, and swings in mood can be symptoms of postpartum depression, so it’s always worth consulting a professional if your symptoms aren’t alleviated.
You know your feelings better than anyone else, so if things are dragging on for far too long and nothing seems to help, seeking help is always a good idea.
FAQs
What does it mean to be Touched Out?
It means that your body has reached its limit for the amount of touch it can handle for the day and needs a break.
Is it Normal?
Yes! It’s relatively common as a parent to feel this way because of constant physical contact, frequent feeds, and the lack of sleep that often comes with caring for a baby.
Why do I feel touched out by my baby?
You likely feel touched out by your child because you’re being touched by them constantly throughout the day with little breaks in between. Combine that with being tired, and you’re in a prime position to feel touched out.
How do I stop feeling touched out?
You can start by giving yourself little windows of no touch to help you reset and recharge. Also tell your partner what you need to help prevent the situation. You can find non-physical ways to bond with your child and reduce other environmental inputs to help reduce the overall load on your senses.
How long does it last?
It varies on a person-to-person basis; generally, it’s easier as your child gets older and becomes more self-sufficient.
Can dads or partners feel this?
Yes! Anyone who regularly spends time in close contact with a child can feel this, so if you’re in a relationship with someone who feels this way, you’re not alone.
Is this a symptom of PPD?
Not necessarily, but if you feel detached or numb from your child for long periods of time, it could be worth exploring the options with a medical professional.
A Small Reminder
Needing space doesn’t make you less of a mother; it makes you human.
Your child will never remember the day you asked for five quiet minutes before the next hug. They will remember a mother who showed up for them, day after day. Take that break when you need it; your love will never be diminished.
